The Future Homemakers of America Read online

  She didn't eat much, pecking at her food. John was eating enough for the two of them, though. He kept going back for more — chicken, cake, hamburger, ice cream, eel. He just piled it high, pacing up and down, with that funny little smile of his. He never went near Lois, though, never even looked her way. I know because I was keeping my eye on her. And all she had was crackers and booze, crackers and more booze.

  I said, ‘Lois, what's your problem?’ after she told me she didn't feel up to playing softball. ‘That leaves us a man short.’

  ‘Come inside a minute,’ she said.

  We went into Betty's kitchen.

  ‘You keep a secret?’ she said. ‘I'm expecting. Only don't you say a word t'anybody else.’

  She didn't look good. Kinda blotchy. I hugged her.

  I said, ‘In that case, I forgive you. First three months with Crystal, I couldn't even keep water down. Herb pleased?’

  ‘That's what I mean, Peg,’ she said. ‘Me and Herb haven't had time to sit down and talk about it. You know? So keep it to yourself.’

  Dorothy Kurlich was waving us it was time to go down to the diamond.

  ‘Take my advice, Lo,’ I said, ‘you've got a migraine. Go home, lie down, get your face outta here, before the interrogation starts. Leave Sandie. She'll be fine.’

  20

  Betty said, ‘Migraine, my eye. That girl's in the family way. But don't you worry, I won't tell a soul. Well, I hope that means the game's off. I never wanted to play anyhow. Swinging at a silly ball.’

  Lance was our captain. He had to be. He was the tallest and the blondest and he had ‘Leader’ written all over him. He said how about recruiting John, take Lois's place, but Kath heard that. She said, ‘No. He won't manage that. He can't hit a ball. If you're short, though, I'll have a go.’

  Ed muttered something to Vern about too many women. Something about why didn't we just let them run for president and be done with it. But Lance put Kath in to bat 9, and he asked Betty to help her along till she got the hang of the game. Which was like asking Mr Magoo to lead the blind.

  366’s line-up was Ax Bergstrom, captain, and his wife, Ruby; Dorothy and Deek Kurlich; Pat and Yvette Franklin; Ginger Bass and Lorene; and Tom Hannegan. His wife was home to Nebraska, dropping their firstborn any day.

  First inning, Okey homered in to centre field, Lance popped up to third and then Ed put us up 2–0 with a home run to left, Betty squealing, ‘Oh Ed, oh Ed!’ Then Vern popped up to Ruby Bergstrom at short and then I done the very same thing myself.

  Me and Vern Dewey had a long-running disagreement regarding the ability of the female of the species to hurl a ball and, this being the military, the fact that I pitched for Topperwein High, 1939 to 1941, helped them on their way to a team-low ERA of 3.09 in the Guadalupe County Senior Girls’ League, counted for nothing with our captain. I guess he felt he'd done enough for womankind that day. So it was friend husband who stepped up to the mound, pitched so wild he gave away three walks, then Deek Kurlich hit a home run. Nice work, Vern.

  Hannegan fouled out to first base and Ruby B and Dorothy both grounded out.

  Lance walked alongside me as we changed sides. I said, ‘Is that a change of pitcher I hear clanking through the cog-wheels of your mind?’

  ‘I guess,’ he said. ‘I hate to cause strife between husband and wife, though.’

  ‘Woman's game.’ That was the unkindest cut Vern could come up with when he heard I was taking his place.

  Ax Bergstrom pitched to Gayle arid she singled down the left field-line. Audrey walked, Betty struck out, never got the bat off her shoulder and then there stood Kath, with her sleeves rolled up and that polka-dot skirt tucked up in her drawers. Next thing Bergstrom knew, the ball was well on its way to Norwich. Trouble was, Kath didn't know she was meant to drop the bat and Captain James Maggs, who was umpiring, was the type of unbending bastard does everything by the book. Still, Kath had showed us what she was made of.

  ‘Well, just look at that,’ Okey said. ‘We gone and adopted ourselves a left-handed power-hitter.’ He was so excited he lined out to short.

  Lorene Bass faced my first pitch. I had her and First Lieutenants Franklin and Bass struck out, all three.

  Third inning, Lance and Ed singled, then Vern hit to second and by the time he moved his ass, Deek Kurlich had stepped on to the bag and whipped the ball across to first. I was so mad at him, I lost my head and popped up to third.

  I pitched well after that, kept 366’s finest pretty much pinned down.

  Fourth inning we got there, slow but steady, put us 6—4 up. Then fifth inning if Vern didn't go and make the same foolish error again. I walked, but then Gayle grounded out to first base.

  I said to Lance, ‘Please tell me you're not allowing Mr Double-Play Dewey near a bat again.’

  ‘Hey,’ he said, ‘whatever happened to wifely devotion?’

  ‘He gets that in buckets,’ I said. ‘Now, why don't you use the brain God gave you and let little Deana pinch hit for Vern? She can't do worse.’

  He said he'd think it over.

  Sixth inning the question didn't arise, but Kath homered to right field and Lorene Bass never even saw it go.

  I gave up two runs when I should have held them scoreless, but Ruby Bergstrom had a good eye — and Yvette Franklin too, when she put her mind to it. I'd have had the both of them on my team if I'd had to name USAF Drampton's Best.

  Final inning Lance said to Vern, ‘Why don't you rest up that shoulder? Young Deana here's itching to take a swing.’

  ‘All the same to me,’ Vern said. And it was, too. He just wanted to get back to the beer and talk lugworms some more with John Pharaoh.

  We were ahead 7—6. They put Hannegan in to pitch, instead of Ax Bergstrom, ask me that just smelled of desperation. First pitch, Lance popped up to short. Ed singled to left. Deana walked. Only eight years old and that linthead Hannegan couldn't get the better of her. I got a walk too. Then Gayle stroked a double to the left. She could have walked into second. Audrey hit a slow grounder but beat it out to first. Bases loaded. Betty, of course, struck out, called strikes being something of a speciality with her, same as her chicken pot-pie. Kath was up and darned if she didn't hit a rope to right, scoring two more. II—6.

  I held them scoreless. It wasn't hard. Once they'd seen what I could do to Pat Franklin, they kinda lost the will to fight.

  ‘You enjoy that?’ I said to Kath, when we were headed back for more eats. I knew she'd enjoyed it.

  ‘That was all right,’ she said. ‘That's like rounders, only with daft rules. Can we stop for the fireworks, if that's not too much trouble?’

  21

  I was in Kath's kitchen, giving her a home-permanent. We had the door open, on account of the fumes, even though it was raining out there fit to drown a duck, and I could hear John Pharaoh the other side a the wall, moving his traps about, getting up to whatever it was he did in there.

  I said, ‘We could have done this at my place, shone a bit more light on the subject. Way I'm groping around in this gloom, you're gonna end up with some kinda hairstyle. You know I never mind fetching you over.’

  ‘I know,’ she said. ‘Now, don't take this the wrong way, but that gives me the creeps, the place you live. Barbed wire. Men with guns looking in your motor every time you drive in. That puts me on edge.’

  I said, ‘I didn't know that. I thought you liked coming to the base? You like the electric light.’

  She did, too. Every time she came she flicked it on, make sure it was still working.

  I said, ‘You like the commissary.’

  She loved the commissary. Seeing all those products stacked high. Stuff she had never heard of. Miracle Whip. Niblet corn. My-T-Fine Chocolate Pudding. We always bought something for her to take home and try.

  ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I do like some of it. I like seeing you, and little Crystal, and your pals. But it's all the rules and regulations I don't like. You haven't hardly got a mind to call your own. Can'
t go down near the airyplanes. Can't get yourself a little job, put a bit of jingle in your pocket. You can't even pin a nice picture on your wall for fear you'll get in trouble with the bosses. I couldn't be doing with that, Peg. I mean to say, I know we haven't got the electric in yet, but at least I can please myself. I can go anywhere I choose.’

  I said, ‘And where would you go? If you could choose anywhere?’

  Her eyes shot across to that old postcard she had pinned up. ‘Cromer?’ she said.

  I said, ‘Not London, then?’

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘That's a terrible place. Hundreds of streets. I'd get lost in a minute. I've been to Norwich, though. That's another big place. We went for a Sunday School outing. Superintendant got a charabanc up. We had a crate of fizzy lemonade on the back seat, started exploding. Must have been all the jolting.’

  I said, ‘You got any photos? I've never seen any pictures of you when you were a kid.’

  ‘We did have,’ she said, ‘but they're long gone. When Mam was poorly, near the end, she got some funny ideas. One day she emptied the drawer. Photos, certificates, she firebacked the lot, thought they harboured disease. And you can't replace them. She couldn't help it. She didn't know what she was doing.’

  I said, ‘You got on well with your mom?’

  ‘Oh yes,’ she said. ‘I do miss her.’

  John appeared in the doorway. He laughed when he saw Kath's head sprouting curlers.

  ‘Never mind laughing,’ she said. ‘When Peg's done this I shan't have to bother putting it up in pipecleaners every night. You going now?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I just paunched a few rabbits.’ Foo, was how he said it. ‘I thought I'd take ‘em down to Brakey. See what I can get for them.’

  ‘All right,’ she said. ‘But don't bring strawberries. I'm sick of them.’ She had brought some to the base one day. Real live strawberries with their leaves on and a smell of fruit and everything.

  John started to go.

  ‘And do you see Jim Jex, don't end up leaning on a bar with him …’ she said.

  He left.

  ‘… come home reeking of ale,’ she shouted after him. ‘Talking a load of twaddle.’ She looked up at me. ‘It's for his own good,’ she said. ‘He's easy led. You still got your mam alive, Peggy?’

  I did, for what it was worth. Thing about Mom was, she was always more interested where the next man was coming from than how her kids were doing. Whoever my daddy was, I didn't remember him. Just a long line of new daddies breezing through, making Mom laugh behind closed doors, then yelling some and disappearing in a cloud of dust. Some of them, were okay. Most of them didn't stay long enough for me to find out. One took his belt to me and my sister Connie bit him on the leg. Only act of sisterly solidarity she ever showed me. Mom liked Connie better because she would usually oblige the latest daddy with a winning smile. Also, she had pretty blue eyes.

  I said, ‘Yeah, my mom's in San Antonio, Texas. But you marry a aviator you're always on the move. Makes life easier if you're not all the time looking back over your shoulder, hankering for family.’

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I can see that. You've got a nice bunch of pals, though.’

  There was something I had to tell her, made me feel nervous.

  I said, ‘Yeah. And did you hear, Lois is having a baby?’

  ‘Is she?’ she said, and her face lit up. Then I knew, whatever she was thinking, it wasn't the terrible thought I'd been having from the moment Lois told me she was pregnant.

  ‘Oh, how lovely!’ she said. ‘What a lovely bit of news. I shall have to knit her something. I'll do something in blue. They'll be hoping for a boy this time, I expect. Or lemon. Either sort can wear lemon. When'll that be, then?’

  ‘Christmas,’ I said. ‘Now, shall we plan a trip? You really want to go to Cromer?’

  ‘Oh, yes please,’ she said. ‘That's a proper seaside there.’

  Kath had never been to the beach.

  ‘All that water,’ she said. ‘Do you think you can see to the other side?’

  I said, ‘Well, I never was at Cromer, but I believe it's some kinda ocean there, so I guess not.’

  She said, ‘I know the water comes in and goes out again ‘cause that's called the tide and Harold Jex was at Cromer, sent us a picture-postcard, and he seen this tide business with his own eyes. But the thing that mystifies me is, how does it know when to come in and go out? What if it forgot to go and just kept coming?’

  I said, ‘Kath, that's two questions more'n I have answers for. Now, let's have a glass of soda while your curls are cooking.’

  22

  Lois went from never being home to never being any place else. I went round to see her all the time. Her quarters were messy, unless Herb had been home and had a field day, and she just grouched around, watching The Roy Rodgers Show and feeding Sandie on cookies.

  I said, ‘You still feeling rough?’

  ‘I could sleep round the clock,’ she said. ‘Was I like this with Sandie?’

  I said, ‘I don't recall. But I think your temper was a little sweeter.’

  She said, ‘You and Vern gonna have any more?’

  I said, ‘Nope.’

  She said ‘You seem very sure.’

  I said, ‘I am. I have my Dutch cap. House catches fire, after Crystal it'll be the first thing I grab.’

  ‘I can't stand those things,’ she said. ‘By the time you've remembered where you left it. Then it has life of its own. Springs outta your fingers, goes flying across the bathroom and it always lands in that skronk behind the WC. I'd sooner take my chances.’

  I said, ‘Well, there y'are then. And now you have one of those little chances on the way.’ I said, ‘You could always clean up the skronk behind the john. You could always wear your Dutch cap every night.’

  ‘Hm,’ she said. ‘How come you're so damned smart?’ She just sat there, stains down her sweatshirt.

  I said, ‘You just tired?’

  ‘Sick and,’ she said.

  ‘Nothing else wrong?’ I said.

  She looked at me. ‘No,’ she said, ‘nothing else. Why? Ain't that enough?’

  I couldn't read her.

  I said, ‘Kath's knitting for you. You have a preference for lemon or blue?’

  ‘Couldn't care less,’ she said. ‘How about grey?’

  I still couldn't read her.

  ‘Well, you're good fun,’ I said. ‘You wanna come on a trip, next week? To the beach? The girls are all coming. Two cars.’

  ‘I dunno,’ she said. ‘What beach? Does it have surf and everything?’

  I said, ‘All I know is, it's called Cromer and it probably beats staying home.’

  She said she'd think about it.

  I said, ‘You do that. If you'd rather sit here, sniffing jet fuel, we'll understand.’

  By the time I walked through my door, she was on the phone.

  ‘I'll come,’ she said. ‘On one condition. Can Sandie ride in a different car than me? I can't stand her climbing all over my belly.’

  I said, ‘Fair enough. Course, you might be trading for Deana or Sherry.’

  ‘No problem,’ she said. ‘One look from me and those Gillis girls turn to stone. Is there a funfair at Cromer?’

  23

  So the deal was, I'd take Betty and Kath and Lois, and Audrey'd bring Gayle and all the kids.

  Gayle said, ‘I'm getting in practice for next year, Peggy. Soon as this tour's done, me and Okey are gonna have a little baby.’

  Of course, the minute it seemed like we were all set, Betty started changing everything around.

  ‘I'll have to take my own car,’ she said. ‘Ed don't like the girls riding with other drivers.’

  Then she was worried about Cromer; ‘We don't know a thing about the place,’ she said to me. ‘What if we break down and they don't even have telephones out there?’

  Tuesday was dry and bright. We said we'd try for Wednesday, and Tuesday night there was such a sunset, that great big
sky was all pink and orange and then it turned green and mauve. Crystal had her lunch-pail packed and ready. Snickers, potato chips, and her rabbit-fur mittens sent by Mom Dewey.

  I said, ‘Precious, you're gonna lose them and then you'll be sad. Why don't you just leave them safe at home?’

  Her lip started to tremble.

  Vern pitched in. ‘Don't you start snivelling,’ he said to her. Fastest way to get the tears flowing, of course. Amazing how a man can know so much about aerodynamics and so little about psychology, but I guess the brain only has space for so much.

  Then he turned on me. ‘You only don't like her treasuring her mitts on account they come from the Deweys. What she ever get from your side of the family? What did your mom ever send her?’

  Crystal was now going full throttle. Then Betty phoned. ‘Ed wants to know what time we'll be home,’ she said.

  Me and Vern picked up where we'd left off. He was right about Crystal's Gramma Shea, but I wasn't gonna give him the satisfaction.

  I said, ‘I could care less who sent what. It's high summer, high as it gets in this two-bit island you brung us to, and I ain't having my day in the sunshine ruined when she loses her fur mittens. Which I guarantee she will do.’

  ‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘you're having a real hard time of it here, Peg, I can see. Hanging out with the girls, uh-oh, Pepsi Hour again – my, how the time does fly! Driving around, taking in the sights. Running a beauty parlour for breeds.’

  I just had to laugh in his silly face when he called Kath's kitchen a beauty parlour. He raised his hand to me. I said, ‘Don't even think about it,’ and the phone rang again.

  She said, ‘Ed wants to know …’

  I said, ‘Betty, what is wrong with your husband? Does he wanna come along with us, ride shotgun?’

  ‘Well!’ she said. ‘There's no call to take that attitude. Ed just wants to know …’